Want to know more about your favorite Squirrel Lips staff member?
Get to know the SQUIRREL LIPS staff on a more personal level by checking out their bios below. We are all about transparency here at SQUIRREL LIPS, so each and every bio was artfully crafted in the most believable way possible.
Editor In Chief Lionel Leona
Lionel is no slouch when it comes to chasing a juicy story. The big guy with the great head of hair graduated from the African College of Fine Arts with a degree in Western Journalism. After finishing college, Lionel swam over 4,000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean where he eventually ended up here in America. Lionel likes to go by the name Li-Le and when the strict vegan is not putting in hours here at SQUIRREL LIPS, he likes to spend his free time lounging around, cuddling with the wife, and playing X-Box while lounging around and cuddling with the wife.
Head Writer Paul Barker
Mr. Barker is not only the head writer here at SQUIRREL LIPS, he is also man’s best friend. Paul has a innate ability to communicate with humans that no other animal possesses. Paul has earned the nickname “Human Whisperer” due to his talent for getting humans to not only listen to him but to also do what he asks. Pauly is known for being a “good boy” and usually wags his tail whenever he finishes writing an awesome article.
Senior Writer Chester Wood
Chester is one fancy chipmunk who is definitely one of a kind. This lovable fellow is a graduate of Pine Bark University and he is also a real workaholic. Chester, who likes to be called “Chess”, is one of the few chipmunks in existence who refuses to go into hibernation. Chess claims that his fellow chipmunks are just lazy and use the hibernation excuse to get out of working.
Junior Writer Catherine “Cat” Faline
Catherine, or Cat to her friends, is our resident sleepyhead due to the fact that she spends up to 18 hours a day on top of her desk snoozing. Even though this beautiful feline is usually napping, eating, or bathing, she still manages to pump out numerous wonderful articles. Cat has previously worked for top animal publications such as Dander Monthly, Barks and Bites, and Hold the Fleas. She can be heard purring whenever she gets a compliment from one of her readers.
Staff Writer Jack Mule
This mule’s no jackass when it comes to writing a great article. Jack once won a “Francis the talking mule” lookalike contest. Jack hails from South America and speaks multiple languages, including Spanish and Mulese. Jack’s father was a C-list donkey actor who passed away from anal neurodegeneration. His mother is a retired Olympic high diving horse.
Staff Writer Gary Goosey
Gary got separated from his parents when he was only 2 months old. Thankfully a kind family of buzzards adopted him and raised him as their own. Even though he realizes that he’s a goose, every once in a while he still gets the urge to eat roadkill that he spots while out driving. The only complaint Gary’s coworkers have about him is his inability to stop crapping all over the office floor.
Staff Writer Bill Bullock
This former used car salesman now uses his special set of skills to promote SQUIRREL LIPS. Bill is a world traveler and has been incarcerated in some of the finest prisons around the world, mostly for accidentally stabbing people with his horns when talking to them.
Managing Editor Jay Bird
Jay may rule with an iron fist, but he’s actually a cool dude to those who know him. Jay is not only the managing editor here at SQUIRREL LIPS, but he also works as a part-time sociologist. His specialty is tagging humans in the wild for further research.
Art Director Martin Thrush
Martin has an unique way of killing two humans with one stone. Not that he’s ever done that. It’s just a saying.
Creative Director Dan Quail
This high school dropout went on to create some of the world’s most popular Bollywood animal costumes. Check out his finest work in top Bollywood movie Vastr Jaanavaron Taiyaar?
Marketing Director Robin Woodcock
This little birdie is adept at gossip, which makes her a fine addition to the SQUIRREL LIPS team. Just be careful what you say around her.
President & CEO Beaver Dan
Beaver Dan spends most of his free time cutting down trees with his teeth and placing them in various rivers and streams for no apparent reason. Mr. Dan has been known to bite anyone that disagrees with him, which is why everyone just agrees with him.
Chief Creative Officer Pinky Hogg
Pinky’s the only animal that can slop around in mud and then come out looking like a million bucks. She got her start in journalism by writing for the now defunct magazine Hogs: What A Boar.
Medical Contributor Dr. Borneo Schnoz
Dr. Schnoz is a board certified physician who graduated from the Malaysian Estúpido School of Mammalian Medicine. Dr. Schnoz has been recognized by former United States President Slobama as one of the country’s top physicians. Dr. Schnoz is also the current Guinness world record holder for a proboscis monkey doctor with the shortest nose to tail ratio.
PR Animal/Site Ad And Title Creator Fuzzy
Fuzzy the squirrel is the face and mouthpiece of SQUIRREL LIPS, hence the name of the site. The little guy with the big personality fell out of a tree when he was younger and landed on his head. That unfortunate accident somehow affected the linguistic part of his brain, which is why there are so many misspellings and other grammatical issues with anything that he creates, such as titles and ads. The only ones spelled correctly are the ones that we did behind his tail. Also, he only has a second grade education.
Contributing Writers Rosamund Horsely, Ralf Wolf, Sable Mink, Mare Whinny
Once these folks actually start contributing more maybe they will each get their own bio.
