Paul Barker
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA– A dog was fired from his corporate office job this week for refusing to get neutered after his employer stated that castration is mandatory for all male canines.
Four year old dog Max Barker says his boss began coercing him to undergo the testicle-lopping procedure a few weeks ago, saying that male dogs are a danger to other females in the office because they can’t control their animalistic urges.
“I was told by my boss directly to get your balls sliced off or you’re going to be unemployed,” Max told reporters while fondling his testicles involuntarily. “He said if I didn’t want to undergo the surgical procedure then I can get injected to make myself sterile. Why should I have to choose between feeding my family and being nutless or possibly even dead?”
Max also claims that his employer was paid millions of dollars by the castration industry to force all the dogs within the company to get fixed in an effort to make billions and in the process reduce the dog population. Currently, there are 492 dogs working for Max’s former company, and only 42% of them have been snipped.
According to Max, several of those castrated dogs have been suffering from severe side effects, such as excessive bleeding, cancer, hair loss, loss of libido, and cognitive impairment.
“Those companies are making billions of dollars off the neutering industry.”
Many other businesses across the country are starting to mandate castration at work, causing millions of dogs to either fight back in protest or quit their jobs en mass. Several anti-neuter groups have even torn down castration clinics that the government set up to try to get dogs to undergo the operation.
Editor’s Note: The subject of the story, Max Barker, is in no way related to Squirrel Lips writer Paul Barker.
