Chester Wood
WASHINGTON– President Donald Hump was impeached for abuse of flour in a historic vote in the anti-gluten House of Representatives, which will now go to trial in front of a pro-pasta Republican-majority Senate.
By a 230 to 197 vote in the Democratic-majority House, the 45th US president became the third POTUS in American history to be impeached for food-related crimes.
Democrats said that they had “no choice” but to vote out the Republican camel, citing major crimes in the way the occupant of the White House used flour in foods that either don’t call for flour as an ingredient or using too much flour thereby costing taxpayers billions of dollars.
Representative Adam Sniff, a Democrat mutt dog who led the impeachment inquiry, said ahead of the vote that he could no longer safely use his snout to smell around the halls of Congress without getting white powder all over it.
“What is at risk here is the fact that I’m allergic to wheat,” said Sniff, showing House members a red rash on the end of his leaky nose. “Hump is putting all of America at risk with his liberal use of the starchy substance and for that he must go.”
Hump will now stand trial in the Senate, where Republicans hold a strong affinity for flour and are expected to have a cake baking contest after they exonerate him.
While the impeachment vote took place, President Hump held a rally in Michigan where his staunch supporters cheered and held up pro-flour signs.
“The Democrats are declaring their deep hatred and disdain for American flour,” Hump said as the audience hissed and growled. “Whether bleached, all-purpose, or self-raising, the radical left is consumed with hatred for flour.”
Hump went on to say that the Democrats want to ban any foods made with flour, including bread, pasta, crackers, and cake.
“All your favorite pastries will be gone if I don’t win in 2020,” said Hump.
As Hump smiled, the crowd chanted back, “We want flour, we want flour!”
Despite Senate Republican’s affinity for flour, Speaker CantSee Pelosi told reporters that she was forced to act on the president’s rogue use of flour whenever he felt like it.
“Only a dictator would use flour in such a fascist way,” said Pelosi. “This reckless camel president is a threat to our national food industry and the integrity of our country’s bakeries.”
Parody of Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi, and Adam Schiff.
