Bill Bullock
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY– For the first time in 145 years the human that crossed the finish line first failed to win the Kentucky Derby, causing thousands of horses to become livid and many others calling for the stewards to be shot and turned into glue.
Even though the race-human Max E. Mum finished almost two feet ahead of human Doctor House, stewards disqualified the front-runner after two jockeys complained of getting scratched.
Chief steward Barbara Horsely defended her decision to disqualify Max E. Mum, saying the Kentucky Derby doesn’t tolerate violence of any kind.
An inside source claims that the reason the stewards caved was because the two jockeys threatened to sue for discrimination, being that they are Arabian Horses and the jockey of Max E. Mum is an American Quarter Horse.
Prairie West, the owner of Max E. Mum, gave a televised interview claiming the head steward never even saw the scratching ordeal due to the fact that she was wearing her horse blinders on backwards.
“She’s letting these two jockeys bully her,” West said during the interview. “They know they made a terrible decision and now they’re just trying to cover their tracks. Where are the scratches I ask? How’d they heal that fast?”
One of the two jockeys in question stated that he was greatly compromised from the ordeal, saying that his human flinched a little from the scratch. He says the discrimination threat is all fake news.
“That little flinch was enough to lose the race,” the jockey said in a phone interview.
