Bill Bullock
NEW YORK, NEW YORK– A new book about the mythical life of Tiger Woods is hitting the shelves just in time for summer. The author goes into full detail about how the golfer went from an innocent cub to a full grown ravenous sports beast.
Even though there have been many biographies of Tiger Woods, this one brings grainy new details to almost every single aspect of Woods’s life, such as the time he slaughtered thirteen other golfers before winning the U.S. Open Tournament.
If all the other biographies of Woods were car crashes, then this new book is a total train wreck, and we mean that in the most complimentary way possible.
The author interviewed more than 250 animals to come up with everything there is to know about Woods, including the time he was caught biting the throat of another animal’s wife.
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This biography covers every single scandal and includes every animal that Woods had affairs with while married to his wife. This book is littered with the dead bodies of every animal that Woods could sink his teeth into, such as gazelles, moose, deer, pigs, cows, horses, buffalo, goats, rabbits, antelopes, bears, boars, elephants, elk, lynx, birds, fish, and of course humans.
Many other details are peppered into this book. For example, the author goes into full detail about the time Woods went on a two-day killing spree after ingesting an illegal street drug called C-Ron.
Even though this book doesn’t really tell us who Tiger Woods is as an animal, it does deliver in the gory details of Woods’s dining habits.
