Chester Wood
MOSCOW, RUSSIA– The Central Electoral Commission in Russia has announced that President Vladimir Shrewtin will be serving his fourth straight term, receiving one hundred percent of the votes.
Many Russian animals are skeptical of Shrewtin’s win due to the fact that every single one of his opponents had disappeared mysteriously the day before the voting was set to take place.
Shrewtin says that this was a legitimate win and claims that his political opponents never disappeared because they never actually existed.
Whether the seven other candidates disappeared or not, or as Shrewtin claims “never even existed”, citizens still turned out in droves to vote. Many Russian animals say that they swear they saw other candidates running for president and even shook their paw or hoof.
Shrewtin says that anyone who is claiming to have seen other candidates running for president is merely hallucinating.
See Also: Judge Seems Ready To Dismiss Stormy Spaniels Lawsuit Against President Hump
“As part of my campaign,” Shrewtin told news reporters, “I promise to have those delusional animals, who believed that there were other candidates, admitted to a mental health facility where they will take part in painful treatments in order to make them more compliant, I mean, healthier.”
United States President Donald Hump weighed in on the controversy by tweeting that the whole thing was fake news.
“Rushian elektion scandle,” Hump tweeted, “…fake newz.”
Representative Adam Stiff blasted President Hump, saying that his misspelled tweet proves that there’s collusion between Hump and Shrewtin. Stiff’s calling on special counsel Robert Mueller to spend another billion dollars to spellcheck Hump’s tweets.
Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Adam Schiff parody.
