Bill Bullock
HAVANA, CUBA- Pro gamecock El Gran Pollo died inside the ring last night during the televised sports match and spectators are demanding full refunds.
After making a grand entrance into the arena, the flamboyant El Gran Pollo jumped over the ring ropes to start the match, but got his foot caught between them. That’s when the bird took a nosedive headfirst into the mat and was instantly knocked out. He was pronounced dead by paramedics after they had arrived over an hour later.
Experts are saying that the brutal knockout was an instant KO for the ring mat. Promoters are now toying with the idea of using ring mats as fighters.
“We’ll call it matfighting,” promoter Cerdo Gordo said in a Spanish accent as he counted last night’s winnings. “Cockfighting’s getting old anyway and too many anti-violence groups have been burning down our arenas and killing promoters as they leave their houses.
“At least when a mat gets too old to fight we won’t have to take it out back and shoot it in the head like we do with the gamecocks.”
Even though cockfighting promoters are seeing green, many spectators are furious over the abrupt match. Shouts of “slam the other cock’s head into the mat” could be heard from within the boisterous crowd of angry animals.
“This’s human-shit,” said irate cockfighting fan Dan Mallard to sports reporters. “Tickets to that fight cost me a month’s salary. What am I supposed to tell the wife? Guess I’ll just have to slam her head into the floor. I mean, there’s nothing else I can do.”
