{"id":3248,"date":"2019-06-17T12:46:26","date_gmt":"2019-06-17T17:46:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/?p=3248"},"modified":"2020-10-18T17:49:19","modified_gmt":"2020-10-18T22:49:19","slug":"ventnor-park-zoo-welcomes-new-humans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/2019\/06\/17\/ventnor-park-zoo-welcomes-new-humans\/","title":{"rendered":"Ventnor Park Zoo Welcomes New Humans"},"content":{"rendered":"

VENTNOR, FLORIDA– A new group of male humans arrived at the Ventnor Park Zoo this week from the Endangered Human Wildlife Group in Austria, giving the humans a brand new chance at survival.<\/p>\n

Because the Columbus Zoo was already at full capacity, the Ventnor Park Zoo was the next logical choice.<\/p>\n

All the humans<\/a> are from a large breed known as the Schwarzenegger stock, with the average male weighing in at a muscular 250 lbs, while females weigh in at 175 lbs on average.<\/p>\n

According to zoo officials, Austrian Schwarzeneggers are critically endangered, mainly due to poaching. Animals in certain countries consider the Schwarzenegger stock to be a delicacy, mainly due to their massive muscular size compared to other breeds of humans.<\/p>\n

\"Two
The new Austrian human attraction recently opened up and has quickly become a favorite of animals of all ages. Here we see a cat and two dog visitors enjoying the beauty of these fine creatures.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

These Austrian humans are on the Save Our Humans From Extinction list, according to the zoo. This organization was created to help all endangered humans, both domesticated and in the wild.<\/p>\n

The humans have been examined and have already been placed into the zoo for animals of all ages to check out and enjoy.<\/p>\n

Next month the zoo will be receiving a group of female Schwarzeneggers, at which point they will be introduced to the males in the hopes of increasing their numbers.<\/p>\n

Animal zoo parody.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

VENTNOR, FLORIDA– A new group of male humans arrived at the Ventnor Park Zoo this week from the Endangered Human<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":3249,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_layout":"default_layout","footnotes":""},"categories":[34],"tags":[386,387,388,228,389,229,385],"adace-sponsor":[],"class_list":["post-3248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-people","tag-arnold-schwarzenegger","tag-austria","tag-endangered","tag-human","tag-muscular","tag-people","tag-zoo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3248","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3248"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3248\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3249"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3248"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3248"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3248"},{"taxonomy":"adace-sponsor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/squirrellips.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/adace-sponsor?post=3248"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}